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Dennis’s fangs were within a foot of the eyeball as I snatched it, balancing it on the fence for safekeeping.

I’d suggested to Big Jim that we oust Dennis because of his weapons-grade incompetence, but Big Jim never listened, intent on keeping a housemate that has zero impulse control and spends 94 percent of his time licking his balls.

Dennis is a bloodhound and has the IQ of a dead opossum. Dennis, on the other hand, didn’t skip a beat, hurling himself toward the rogue eyeball. It rolled onto the grass, and, to be honest, both Big Jim and I were taken aback. Here he is at the beginning of the story, a time when “one minute, everything was normal.” And then:Ī summer evening glaze of gold varnish coated our yard with the fat frog fountain and that shitty little smug-faced gnome that I’ve been trying to sabotage since I moved in. Most of the book is narrated by a domesticated crow named Shit Turd (S.T.) who lives with a human man that S.T. Actually, Bambi was terrifying, so…maybe it is Bambi, if Bambi dropped more f-bombs and was set in Seattle. TW for gore, profanity, violence between animals, and gratuitous Cheeto® consumption.

However, I believe some of our readers will, like me, see the crow and dog on the front cover and the octopus on the back and say “GIVE IT TO MEEE.” This review is for you. Hollow Kingdom is NOT a romance novel, I repeat NOT a romance novel.